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This is my sister, Mo, age 5 — in a red shirt, red knee socks, white cotton chonies, and hand-me-down brown suede saddle shoes with replaced white laces — showing what a BIG GIRL she is by hanging from just one tiny arm and one tiny leg off this AWESOME, GROOVY, orange and lime-green 12 foot jungle-jim, play-structure tower in our backyard in Fresno, California in 1973. Such a gorgeous girl!

But, as adorable as Mo is…that is NOT the best part of this 41 year old family photograph, oh, no. Not by a LONG SHOT, baby. No, the BEST part of this small moment in my family’s visual history is just above Mo’s right shoulder.

You see those dimpled, ashy, Kewpie knees?

That, Mein Poppets, is my other sister, Jennifer.

Standing all by herself on a single, curved, lime-green, metal bar.

Standing all by herself on a single, curved, line-green, metal bar…that is 11 FEET IN THE AIR.

Standing all by herself on a single, curved, lime-green, metal bar that is 11 feet in the air…NAKED.

Standing all by herself on a single, curved, lime-green, metal bar that is 11 feet in the air…naked — and TWO MOTHERFUCKING YEARS OLD.

Standing all by herself on a single, curved, lime-green, metal bar that is 11 feet in the air…naked — and two motherfucking years old…HOLDING ON WITH JUST A SINGLE, CURVED, ORANGE METAL BAR IN ONE FAT ARMENIAN MEATHOOK.

Standing all by herself on a single, curved, lime-green, metal bar that is 11 feet in the air…naked — and two motherfucking years old…holding on with just a single, curved, orange metal bar in one fat Armenian meathook. And a FULL-ON, SLIPPERY, GREASY, HALF-EATEN, PILFERED STICK OF DANISH CREAMERY BUTTER IN THE OTHER.

A FULL-ON stick of Danish Creamery butter that she would lift from the fridge on a daily basis, peel down the wrapper, and EAT LIKE A GODDAMNED BANANA.

You wanna know where I come from, muthafuckas?

THIS IS WHERE I COME FROM.

PICT0057

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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