If Miss Jane Hathaway and I had a baby together…this horrified, disgusted tiny nerd girl WOULD SURELY BE IT.
Also: I CAN LITERALLY TELL THAT GUY’S GODDAMNED RELIGION JUST BY GAZING AMAZED AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH.
Also: I was conceived in CAMELTOE, CONNECTICUT.
Also: I originally hail from MOOSEKNUCKLE, MISSISSIPPI.
Also: I was raised in SQUASHEDCOCK, SOUTH CAROLINA.
Also: I made my grande society debut in SPLITDICK, DELAWARE.
Also: I will be laid to rest in TIGHTTAINT, LOUISIANA.
SOMEBODY STOP ME!