Middle Age. Like death and skintags, it comes to us all.
But, trust me…delivered along with the gunt, the stray grey pubes, the chin hairs, the crepey face, and The Florida Evans Neck, there are fabulous advantages to being a Woman of a Certain Age.
When your waist gets a little thick (okay, a LOT thick), your elbows get a little baggy, and your titties no longer sit high and tight like they once did when you were 22, and all light beyond a single struck match can be considered “harsh”, and it becomes glaringly apparent that pool boys, indie musicians, cute grocery clerks at Trader Joe’s, and guys who live in your building are NO LONGER jockeying for position to fuck you on their futons, it takes your focus off the external and puts it squarely back onto your soul, your self, your dreams, and your powerful presence here in this place.
It frees you from the distractions and constraints brought about by constantly fretting over what others might think of you.
Your DGAF Factor explodes off the charts.
You squat, belly laughing, and take a righteous metaphorical dump on your bathroom scale as a social statement against the idiotic, insulting, insidious, impossible beauty standards imposed on women and their bodies in our culture.
You refuse to keep the secrets and carry the shame for even ONE MOMENT LONGER. It is a time for TRUTH…and as a result of this truth, you suddenly realize the full arc of BEING — and you, at long last, BECOME.
This newfound wisdom illuminates you from within, drawing others to your light, asking how they, too, might radiate the light that exists inside them, as well. TELL THEM WHAT YOU KNOW.
This new Age of Enlightenment of Age draws back the veil of youthful illusion and reveals to you the reality of just how fucking awesome and powerful you truly are.
No, wait. It doesn’t simply draw back the veil — IT JERKS IT OFF YOUR GODDAMNED FACE, DOUSES IT WITH GASOLINE, AND SETS THAT BITCH ON FIRE.
But here’s the best, most hilarious, most unbelievable part:
This wisdom and awareness makes you bold, audacious, focused, fierce, free, and fearless — which, oh, so ironically…FAT, OLD BROAD or NOT…makes people want to fuck you.
Shantih. Shantih. Shantih.