I am just sitting here thinking about the time Gregory and I went to a parents night thingie at our daughter, Anne’s, Student Youth and Government leadership organization that is sponsored through The Y…where the evening’s rules were that we had to break down into several groups and each group had to choose one parent to go up and spontaneously perform a song in front of the entire assemblage. Guess who got chosen and guess whose fatass shamelessly strutted up in front of several hundred people, threw her hands in the air, tossed a well-placed peace sign, and shouted, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen — MY NAME IS SAGGY SPICE! GIRL POWER!”…and then proceeded to belt “Wannabe” a capella, a performance for which I was fortunate enough to receive not only a standing ovation, but first place for the evening’s festivities.
That was several years ago, and to this day, I still have people breathlessly rush up to me in line at Trader Joe’s to say, “SAGGY SPICE! WE LOVE YOU!”
My life is OFF THE GODDAMNED HOOK.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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