Yeah. Mama has fucking HAD IT with all this annoying, precious, fetishized, commodified, overblown, HORSESHIT, 21st Century parenting.
Children who are a COMPLETE imposition on the lives of their TERRIFIED, FECKLESS parents.
Children who are pushed and stressed and over-scheduled and NEVER allowed nor encouraged to just SIT and THINK and FEEL and BE.
Children who are never taught the RICH FULFILLMENT and VELVETY BLISS that is simple solitude…nor the awareness or appreciation of the MULTITUDES THAT JUST THEY THEMSELVES CONTAIN.
Children who will wake up one day when they are 40 to find that they are EXPERT fugitives from THEMSELVES.
Children who are NEVER allowed to lose or fail and thusly NEVER learn how to do either with grace and dignity…and who will NEVER learn that losing and failing can be the GREATEST GODDAMNED GIFT you will ever receive.
Children who are raised with kid gloves like PRIZE VEAL.
For chrissake…JUST LET A MOTHERFUCKER CLIMB A TREE.
Me, I subscribe to the Roseanne Barr school of raising children…and my larvae turned out JUST FINE:
“If those kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work…I DONE MY FUCKIN’ JOB.”
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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