Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

you can’t sell your soul to rock n’ roll if you never had one to begin with

Posted on February 13, 2010 by muffybolding

Here is my official Vulgarian edict for the day: If you regularly listen to John Mayer, Phil Collins, The Dave Matthews Band, Hootie and the Blowfish, Jack Johnson, or Jewel…you have NO SOUL and if you have no soul, YOU … Continue reading →

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RIP, lee

Posted on February 12, 2010 by muffybolding

“Whilst on Savile Row, Alexander McQueen’s clients included Mikhail Gorbachev and Charles, Prince of Wales; McQueen recounted in an interview that he once wrote the words ‘I am a cunt’ in biro into the sleeve lining of a suit he … Continue reading →

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yarny don’t play that shit

Posted on February 11, 2010 by muffybolding

You know you’re addicted to knitting…when you knit whilst taking a dump. That is all.

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power, my fatass

Posted on February 11, 2010 by muffybolding

Whenever I hear one of those hideous power ballads from the 70’s or 80’s, IT MAKES ME WANNA KICK ASS. Home Tonight by Aerosmith, Faithfully by Journey, or Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue. Those horseshit songs were written by … Continue reading →

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ceejie weejie

Posted on February 2, 2010 by muffybolding

A Merry Birfday to Miss CJ Arabia…one of the most amazing, generous, loving, hilarious, talented, compassionate, fearless broads I have EVER known! Thank you for teaching me to knit, thank you for always encouraging me to forge ahead with my … Continue reading →

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opie!

Posted on February 2, 2010 by muffybolding

Now what are the goddamned chances that I would have the opportunity to play the word OPIATE in two separate games of Lexulous in one night? And this coming from a person who always has TONS of vicodin around (doctors … Continue reading →

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bucket list!

Posted on January 29, 2010 by muffybolding

Muffy Bucket List Item #2710: To give a handjob using the same hand on which is prominently displayed an official “My Heart Belongs to Jesus” Purity Ring — and to anonymously post pictures of said hand on hardcore porn forums … Continue reading →

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pharamceutical fruitbasket

Posted on January 27, 2010 by muffybolding

Sometimes you just gotta delight in the little things — like the auspicious pattern in which your morning meds and vitamin supplements spill out into your meathook, willy-nilly…like an awesome gift from the gods.

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activist bastards

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

I love it that the most sinister bastard of them all — that Opus Dei piece-of-shit Scalia — is making like a satanic priest in a Renaissance painting with the cryptic hand symbology…slyly alerting us to which realm he truly … Continue reading →

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disgust

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

What a coincidence — the same five soulless, mindless, malfeasant shitheads who anointed George W. Bush as president thought this would be an awesome idea. Tell me, where is the conservative, batshit crazy Patriotic Tea Party outrage over this corporate … Continue reading →

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