Author Archives: muffybolding

Unknown's avatar

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

truth

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

My name is Muffy Bolding…and I am a yarn snob.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

i wanna feel you from the inside

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

For Mother’s Day a few years ago, along with a priceless poem from my teenage son, I was gifted with two drop-dead gorgeous necklaces and a pair of earrings (all garnet — my faviest of faves), an entire legion of … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

truth

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

I was unexpectedly contacted last year by a charming young woman who told me she really loved my work — particularly my poem, “Librarian.” She also asked very sweetly if I had any other poems or essays of mine that … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 8 Comments

too much information — and if you don’t like it…fuck off, lady

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

From the SWELTERING Summer of 2006: Earlier this week I spent four fabulous days on location in Orlando, Florida on a television shoot for Disney. First, please allow me to say that it was my very first time there and … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

ol’ raspy

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

If history teaches us nothing else, it teaches us that Rasputin really needed to wash his ass. It also teaches us that he was hung like a Budweiser Clydesdale. He sought god, but found only Russian perma-frost peasant poon-tang — … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

brother boy makes good

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

Once again…from the sweltering Summer of 2006: The very best part of being on location (well, aside from the coke and hookers — and snorting the coke off the asses of the hookers) is staying in luxurious hotel rooms. Ah! … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

tiger

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

Every once in awhile, the lines blur and the standard rules fall away. Race, class, economic status, athletic genius, and world renown matter not in the least — along with the fawning adulation by annoying white pricks who, only a … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

from the archives: order up

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

From the sweltering Summer of 2006: For my birthday on Monday, my friends took me to Downtown Disney in Orlando for treats and eats. The treats came first: I got a Sleeping Beauty playset (complete with The Prince, Maleficent, and … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

truth

Posted on January 23, 2010 by muffybolding

From the Muffy Bolding “Just Fucking Say What You Really Mean” Files: In old movies, when a man and woman get back to her place and she coyly tells him to help himself to a drink while she goes and … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment