Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

"let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields. nothing is real…"

Posted on January 22, 2010 by muffybolding

We have crossed the Rubicon on this sort of thing, methinks. Now that we’ve all seen the thousands of FlashMob videos that proliferate YouTube, for me, something like this can never really be spontaneous, organic, or genuine ever again. It … Continue reading →

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how many wonders can one cavern hold?

Posted on January 22, 2010 by muffybolding

How is it that my children tell me absolutely EVERYTHING — but I only just now learned that when my 18 year old daughter, Anne, was at her first day of kindergarten…she couldn’t find the bathroom at recess, so she … Continue reading →

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vigilance

Posted on January 22, 2010 by muffybolding

Despite taking complete responsibility for my own reproductive health by using birth control, I became unexpectedly pregnant at the age of 18. Because the time was not right for me to become a mother, with the support of my partner, … Continue reading →

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what DOES happen to the ducks in central park when the pond freezes over?

Posted on November 27, 2009 by muffybolding

It’s official: Gregory and I will be on a grand and glorious adventure in New York City next week. Christmas lights, festive department store windows, Central Park in Fall, shiftily hanging around for hours in front of The Dakota reading … Continue reading →

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“no crybabies”

Posted on November 20, 2009 by muffybolding

Having moved away from FresNO a decade ago, I haven’t yet been to their awesome new seafood restaurant, Pismo’s, but I just came across this blog on CentralValleyMoms.com that takes issue with a sign near the door that apparently has … Continue reading →

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grizzled lineage

Posted on June 30, 2009 by muffybolding

Have you ever noticed that convicts, outlaws, bikers, and old stoners ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS claim to be “part Cherokee on my mother’s side”? What’s up with that?

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doppelganger’s delight

Posted on May 27, 2009 by muffybolding

Restauranteur Elaine Kaufman of Elaine’s Restaurant in NYC, surrounded by some of her distinguished clientele from amongst the creme de la creme of the New York literati. A friend recently told me they saw a picture of Elaine Kaufman in … Continue reading →

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my maternal pride overfloweth

Posted on April 1, 2009 by muffybolding

Some parents tease their daughter’s hair into complicated, lacquered bouffants, dress them up in frilly frocks, and force them to strut the runways of childhood beauty pageants — still others cheer theirs on at rough and tumble sporting events, providing … Continue reading →

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it might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie, baby, buy-buy-buy…

Posted on December 9, 2008 by muffybolding

When was the last time you saw a commercial and the very first question you wanted answered was, “Ummm…who the fuck made that??” Well, for me, the answer is never. Never, not a single time, have I ever seen a … Continue reading →

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please forgive me…but i just GOTTA do this one

Posted on November 11, 2008 by muffybolding

The latest meme that all the cool kids are doing: If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you think I got arrested for?

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