Author Archives: muffybolding

Unknown's avatar

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

the utter power of language — and a whole bunch of people fed-up with intolerance

Posted on February 23, 2004 by muffybolding

Christ…how I love language. When used properly, it’s like a well-honed sword — it cuts both ways. Santorum san-TOR-um n. A frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. See also: Sen. Rick … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 3 Comments

a note for teacher

Posted on February 23, 2004 by muffybolding

“Nothing stinks like a pile of unpublished writing.” — Sylvia Plath

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

name your pattern!

Posted on February 11, 2004 by muffybolding

I was thinking about the following mindless, superficial, conspicuously consumerical topic last night as I was dropping off to asleep: Back when I was a young newlywed (ummm, fuck you…the first time I was a newlywed), I worked as The … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 31 Comments

fuck you and your judgement…

Posted on February 7, 2004 by muffybolding

Would somebody PLEASE tell my darling husband that instead of the usual matted, white, lice-infested, fun-fur teddy bear with “True Love” inscribed across his satin stomach, sweetly clutching the plastic rose-scented rose…that this is what I really want for Valentine’s … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 10 Comments

hooker with a heart o’ gold

Posted on January 29, 2004 by muffybolding

Since everyone is posting old(er) pictures of themselves…I feel compelled to join in the merriment. This one is from about 5 years ago — and I post it not because I am necessarily enamored of it…but because it is the … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 5 Comments

my tears are falling…like ping-pong balls

Posted on January 23, 2004 by muffybolding

‘Captain Kangaroo’ Bob Keeshan Dies at 76 QUECHEE, Vt. (Jan. 23) – Bob Keeshan, who gently entertained and educated generations of children as television’s walrus-mustachioed Captain Kangaroo, died Friday at 76. Keeshan died of a long illness, his family said … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 2 Comments

where i’ll be new year’s day: drunk on make-believe

Posted on December 30, 2003 by muffybolding

Fred McFeely Rogers 1928-2003 Among other astonishing tidbits of wisdom — like, say, a behind-the-scenes look at how crayons are made — Fred Rogers provided me with my very first lesson on how you can totally and completely love someone … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 5 Comments

oh, holy night…my skull was brightly shining

Posted on December 23, 2003 by muffybolding

Last night, I proudly wore the following holiday headpiece to a glittering Christmas shin-dig held downtown. A festive time was had by one and all: At one point, a well-meaning society matron — dripping with philanthropy and great-grandmother’s pearls — … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 7 Comments

so…yeah

Posted on December 20, 2003 by muffybolding

“We are all worms. But, I do believe that I am a glow worm.” –Winston Churchill

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

meme fever: catch it!

Posted on December 2, 2003 by muffybolding

3 things which scare me: harm coming to one of my chilluns or sweet husband; the black gelatinous horror that is BushCo; not fully appreciating the exquisite nature of every single fucking moment of my life. 3 things which I … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 13 Comments