Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

the force

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

Right now in my life…I am ALL ABOUT THE FUCKING TRUTH — and this is just ONE of my truths. Despite using birth control, I became unexpectedly pregnant when I was 19. On the earliest date that the procedure could … Continue reading →

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beauty

Posted on September 11, 2015 by muffybolding

My GLORIOUS GUSBAND, Miss Jackie Beat, gives the BEST. FUCKING. PRESENTS. How about a chunky, vintage, Mid-Century, gold-tone, TO-DIE-FOR bracelet that he serendipitously found in an antique shop in Echo Park…that just so happened to have MY VERY OWN INITIALS … Continue reading →

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tilt

Posted on September 11, 2015 by muffybolding

A certain slant of light tilting in through an orange Dutch door…makes my heart SWELL WITH HAPPINESS. ‪#‎idontgiveashitthatitsamilliondegreesoutsideAUTUMNISCOMING‬ ‪#‎youcanscorchmycooterwiththisinfernalheatallyouwantsummerevenyoucantstopautumn‬ ‪#‎ifollowthegoldenlight‬

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free

Posted on September 11, 2015 by muffybolding

This is a statue of the BRILLIANT VISIONARY, Nikola Tesla, that stands in Silicon Valley. Beneath the statue is a time capsule that will be opened on January 7th, 2043 — the 100th anniversary of Tesla’s death — and the … Continue reading →

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heat

Posted on September 11, 2015 by muffybolding

Because THIS is what you and Your One True Love get when your fatass orders a large soy latte and the adorable, young barista inevitably asks, “Would you like that hot or iced, Miss?” and you flash him a dazzling … Continue reading →

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light

Posted on September 11, 2015 by muffybolding

“LUMINOUS CHING-CHONGERY” is the name of my new Kabuki Uke Troupe and Punk Thug Jug Band. Goddamn, how I love the MIGHTY LA County Fair! Mustard-slathered corn dogs, delightfully okified crochet displays, all the carnie meth I can snort, and … Continue reading →

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DGAF

Posted on September 11, 2015 by muffybolding

Zero makeup. Zero filter. Zero fear.  Zero shame. ZERO FUCKS GIVEN. #allthetimeisavenotsmudgingupmysulliedmugidevotetotherevolution

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open

Posted on September 11, 2015 by muffybolding

Fellow Treasured Earthling…you have a choice before you. You can stand out on the sidewalk holding your IGNORANT, CALLOUS, HATEFUL, RACIST SIGNS, hissing and chanting, “GO HOME! YOU ARE UNWELCOME! YOU DON’T BELONG HERE! WE HATE YOU!” OR… You can … Continue reading →

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the enforcer

Posted on August 28, 2015 by muffybolding

Knitter PLEASE. ALL Y’ALL whiners need to SHUT THE FUCK UP with your slippers, flyswatters, spatulas, and spoons. You see, the humble wooden spoon was what I used to get from my MOTHER. Conversely, this groovy, vintage, 1960s leather number, … Continue reading →

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boy

Posted on August 28, 2015 by muffybolding

I cannot believe I get to spend my life with this adorable, adventurous, brilliant, kind, extraordinary boy. Talk about your DUMB LUCKY SLUT. Me and the Babies miss you, Sir! Hurry home to us! Be safe! We love you! ‪#‎cutepiglet‬  … Continue reading →

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