Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

bloody pressure

Posted on August 25, 2015 by muffybolding

Wait. How come nobody told my fatass that I AM ALREADY FUCKING DEAD?   #zombiepunaniisthenameofmynewallghoulband #allghoulstothefront

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baby

Posted on August 18, 2015 by muffybolding

Two words: PEARL and VIVIAN. ‪#‎thatsalittlebaby‬ ‪#‎misspearl‬ ‪#‎pearliemae‬ ‪#‎pearline‬ ‪#‎moonofmylife‬ ‪#‎missviv‬ ‪#‎vivalbertine‬ ‪#‎biblianamarmelstein‬ ‪#‎sunofmylife‬ ‪#‎motherofdragons‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtokiththemonthelipth‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtowhiffthemonthepawth‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtobitethemonthebuttcheekth‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtognawontheirchickencutleth‬ ‪#‎iwonderifhertinyhoovessmelllikesweetfritoestoo‬

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viv

Posted on August 18, 2015 by muffybolding

Three things: 1) Somebody needs their nails cut. 2) Can’t even SQUIRT MY GOTTDAMNED CLAM IN PEACE. And, 3) This little baby OWNS ME. That is all. #missvivian #missbiblianamarmelstein #grannypantiesRULE #blueeven #fancy!

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a friendly tip from muffy

Posted on August 17, 2015 by muffybolding

HA! DEAD. FUCKING. ON. ‪#‎bitethepillowyoungbitcheslifesgoinindry‬

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he’s leaving home

Posted on August 17, 2015 by muffybolding

As Gregory and I have the privilege of packing, procuring, and preparing this week to send our very last baby off to college to study film…in between the CELEBRATION of his radiant success and thoughts of the GLORIOUS ADVENTURES that … Continue reading →

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it’s always darkest before the don

Posted on August 17, 2015 by muffybolding

Inane Muff Fact #619: Though I am certain that Donald Trump is completely out of his motherfucking mind…I WILL say this: It IS exhilarating to hear a politician JUST FEARLESSLY SPEAK HIS TRUTH without GIVING A SINGLE FUCK what anyone … Continue reading →

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betty

Posted on August 17, 2015 by muffybolding

You know, I might very well be a NO-TALENT MEATHOOK when it comes to the most basic of life skills (Sweet Jesus. Do NOT axe my fatass to balance your checkbook or organize the flowers or catering for your wedding. … Continue reading →

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life

Posted on August 17, 2015 by muffybolding

I need the extraordinary. The complicated. The textured. The saturated. The flavorful. The radiant. The shiny. The deep. The dire. The dripping. The delightful. The absurd. The godless. The profane. The sacred. The hilarious. The perplexing. The unexpected. The inspiring. … Continue reading →

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see you next tuesday!

Posted on August 17, 2015 by muffybolding

Whose UNBELIEVABLY APT “Cunt Cup” is this? Oh. IT’S MINE. It was, of course, a gift from my beloved Gusband, Miss Jackie Beat — who is, herself, a PHENOMENAL CUNT.

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youth

Posted on August 17, 2015 by muffybolding

The Young. They delight me everyday. They amaze me everyday. They inspire me everyday. They change me everyday. And, they change the world…one small, cheap, plastic Wal-Mart kids guitar at a time. EVERYDAY. ALL HAIL THE BEAUTY OF YOUTH and … Continue reading →

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