Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

education

Posted on August 14, 2013 by muffybolding

Way back in the 80s at Fresno City College — where we spent our days ditching class, smoking cigs, learning lines, and acting cool — my Theatre-Geek friends and I would hold court in the cafeteria, talkin’ shit and making … Continue reading →

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boy

Posted on August 14, 2013 by muffybolding

My kind-hearted, eccentric, interesting son…the screenwriter, producer, director, actor, editor, set-designer, prop-master, cinematographer, make-up artist, wardrobe dude, location scout, visionary, and FEARLESS MONEY-MAN. My son, Hunter…the FILMMAKER. HOLY SHIT. This boy just burst forth from my vagine like five minutes … Continue reading →

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babies

Posted on August 14, 2013 by muffybolding

“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” ― L.R. Knost

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the ‘no

Posted on August 14, 2013 by muffybolding

Inane Muff Fact #962: When I was a little girl growing up in Fresno, California, I was utterly unaware of the cultural phenomenon known as The Suburbs…because in Fresno, EVERYPLACE is The Suburbs. No, really. Missing Fresno today.

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poily mae

Posted on August 14, 2013 by muffybolding

Without question, the highest form of Earthling…is the dog. Miss Pearlie Mae, perched atop my ancient Target Schmata-covered GUNT. The noblest creature in ALL of litrature. (That last sentence, of course, said with a delightful Euphegenia Doubtfire accent.) This wee, … Continue reading →

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unawares

Posted on August 14, 2013 by muffybolding

My husband, Gregory’s, most favorite photos of me are ALWAYS the ones where he catches my fatass unawares. This is one such photograph. Me and My Gunt at The Getty — no doubt pondering art, beauty, age, youth, wisdom, the … Continue reading →

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one direction…straight to the bowels of hell

Posted on August 12, 2013 by muffybolding

As a former RABID, HYSTERICAL, BAY CITY ROLLER-OBSESSED ADOLESCENT, this just made me BELLY LAUGH OUT LOUD. The suffering of these loving, indulgent, devoted fathers is SO complete and SO exquisite, that it’s actually a thing of great beauty.

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no words

Posted on August 12, 2013 by muffybolding

Humans. We are VAST, ALL-POWERFUL, and INFINITE. Humans. We are MINISCULE, INCIDENTAL, and NOTHING AT ALL. We are The Masters of The Universe — and we are its BITCHES, as well. Watch this newly-discovered video, My Fellow Human — 20 … Continue reading →

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i am, i am, i am

Posted on August 7, 2013 by muffybolding

HA! HOLY SHIT. This just MADE MY FUCKING DAY. That I am, laddie. THAT I AM.

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spike

Posted on August 6, 2013 by muffybolding

Sitting here in our dusky, still quiet house…drinking a delicious cup of coffee delivered up by my BELOVED French Press, and getting some early morning writing in before the delightful daily stampede of husband, grown-up children, and chihuahuas stormtroop the … Continue reading →

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