Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

pedo-bear approves

You know…I am not really the judgy type. I mean, as long as everybody’s legal, nobody’s getting hurt, and everybody’s happy…I’M HAPPY. By my way of thinking, to find Our One True Love is WHY WE ARE HERE IN THE … Continue reading

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life?

She is BEAUTIFUL.

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jeselnek

I was first introduced to Anthony Jeselnek at last year’s Comedy Central Roast of Roseanne — and now I am OBSESSED WITH HIM.

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the royal and ancient odor of the grand punani lodge

Miss Shriner Vaginer Forty-Niner, 2013

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it’s ALL for you, patton!

“I’m assuming Kim Kardashian had her baby, if only because Gregory Peck just walked by me carrying the 7 Daggers of Megiddo.” — The positively BRILLIANT Patton Oswalt.

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la città eterna

Though, if this old Sicilian Whore could actually CHOOSE the place where I would draw my last breath…I gotta tell you — ROME WOULD BE IT. #smallmercies  

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requiescat in pace jimmy gandolfini

Beloved son of an immigrant brick layer and a school lunch lady. Make NO mistake: It doesn’t matter the humble circumstances in which they begin their journey…genius and excellence will ALWAYS RISE. YOU CAN COUNT ON IT. Requiescat in Pace, … Continue reading

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the fierce widow gandolfini

Okay, this photo just made me BELLY LAUGH OUT LOUD. The late James Gandolfini…and the loving wife he leaves behind. (She looks FIERCE! I LOVE HER!)

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the baby name game

Sometimes, my awesome writing partner, Doug, and I, in an attempt to avoid, you know, WRITING, will go sit at Starbucks or some fucking cafe or restaurant here in LA — to, you know, WRITE — but in our bastard … Continue reading

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WORM

Even if we are Talented. Rich. Sexy. Beautiful. Influential. Powerful. Like Nigella Lawson. Even then. EVEN. THEN. Just by being born female, we are vulnerable to potential brutality, abuse, and violence from relatives, partners, and strangers alike. I have daughters. … Continue reading

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