Author Archives: muffybolding

Ode to Stevie “You could be my silver springs Blue green colors flashin’ I would be your only dream Your shining autumn, ocean crashing And did you say she was pretty And did you say that she loves you Baby, … Continue reading →

Writing movies — creating entire worlds and the beings who people them — is the most fun a girl can have without knitting needles and Noro yarn, a pre-paid comprehensive European Rail-pass, seasons 1 and 2 of HBO’s “Rome”, a … Continue reading →

Lemme tell you something, mein poppets — if I hear ONE MORE iteration or variation of the joke, “I just went through airport security at LaGuardia, and I’m so disappointed…because after I got patted down by the TSA officer, I … Continue reading →

You know, I can’t really be sure, but I think my bush might be HUGE — or, rather, I can only assume that it’s huge, being that I’ve not had an actual visual on it since before the marriage of … Continue reading →

As a feminist and as a woman, I realized something very interesting during this last midterm election. As much as I dislike both Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina, and despite their resounding losses with voters here in the great state … Continue reading →

Like I said…if one of my children proudly announced to me that they were saving their virginity for Jesus and had plans to marry someone they had never slept with…I’D FUCKING CRUCIFY THEM MYSELF.

Important announcement: As a Big Fattie who was also one of NINE children, I think I speak for us all when I say that BIG FATTIES LIKE OUR VERY OWN GODDAMNED PLATE OF CHOW WHEN WE EAT. We don’t like … Continue reading →

I recently woke from a dream, openly weeping…a dream whose content — aside from the following verbatim passage — I could not for the life of me remember. But this part I will never, ever forget: “You have NO IDEA … Continue reading →

A few sweet souls have written to ask me, “Who is 4chan and what exactly is it that they do?” Well, this link will give you just the very beginning of the most basic, minute, stripped-down concept of who and … Continue reading →

Shiiiit. The horrifying, relentless, collective vigilante webhive that is 4chan had this racist asshole’s name, home address, social security number, and telephone number in about two minutes. Those ruthless bastards will eat her alive and spit out her white, white … Continue reading →