Category Archives: categories can suck my dick

Wait. How come nobody told my fatass that I AM ALREADY FUCKING DEAD?   #zombiepunaniisthenameofmynewallghoulband #allghoulstothefront

Two words: PEARL and VIVIAN. ‪#‎thatsalittlebaby‬ ‪#‎misspearl‬ ‪#‎pearliemae‬ ‪#‎pearline‬ ‪#‎moonofmylife‬ ‪#‎missviv‬ ‪#‎vivalbertine‬ ‪#‎biblianamarmelstein‬ ‪#‎sunofmylife‬ ‪#‎motherofdragons‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtokiththemonthelipth‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtowhiffthemonthepawth‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtobitethemonthebuttcheekth‬ ‪#‎motherlikthtognawontheirchickencutleth‬ ‪#‎iwonderifhertinyhoovessmelllikesweetfritoestoo‬

Three things: 1) Somebody needs their nails cut. 2) Can’t even SQUIRT MY GOTTDAMNED CLAM IN PEACE. And, 3) This little baby OWNS ME. That is all. #missvivian #missbiblianamarmelstein #grannypantiesRULE #blueeven #fancy!

HA! DEAD. FUCKING. ON. ‪#‎bitethepillowyoungbitcheslifesgoinindry‬

As Gregory and I have the privilege of packing, procuring, and preparing this week to send our very last baby off to college to study film…in between the CELEBRATION of his radiant success and thoughts of the GLORIOUS ADVENTURES that … Continue reading →

Inane Muff Fact #619: Though I am certain that Donald Trump is completely out of his motherfucking mind…I WILL say this: It IS exhilarating to hear a politician JUST FEARLESSLY SPEAK HIS TRUTH without GIVING A SINGLE FUCK what anyone … Continue reading →

You know, I might very well be a NO-TALENT MEATHOOK when it comes to the most basic of life skills (Sweet Jesus. Do NOT axe my fatass to balance your checkbook or organize the flowers or catering for your wedding. … Continue reading →

I need the extraordinary. The complicated. The textured. The saturated. The flavorful. The radiant. The shiny. The deep. The dire. The dripping. The delightful. The absurd. The godless. The profane. The sacred. The hilarious. The perplexing. The unexpected. The inspiring. … Continue reading →

Whose UNBELIEVABLY APT “Cunt Cup” is this? Oh. IT’S MINE. It was, of course, a gift from my beloved Gusband, Miss Jackie Beat — who is, herself, a PHENOMENAL CUNT.

The Young. They delight me everyday. They amaze me everyday. They inspire me everyday. They change me everyday. And, they change the world…one small, cheap, plastic Wal-Mart kids guitar at a time. EVERYDAY. ALL HAIL THE BEAUTY OF YOUTH and … Continue reading →