Category Archives: categories can suck my dick

Riches. Power. Fame. Beauty. None of it matters in the least. In the end, time will devour us all.

The single phrase that keeps repeating over and over again in my head as I shamelessly and exuberantly traverse, sashay, adventure, and insinuate myself in and throughout this most amazing place known as NYC: “Okay…NOW, THIS IS A FUCKING CITY.”

Last year for Halloween, I donned one of my 400 black dresses, a pair of oversized black Swifty Lazar spectacles, and slapped a “Hello” nametag on the front of me that read: “HELLO. My name is Elaine Kaufman. Now GO … Continue reading →

Today…I took a scalding hot bath, finally got that Mexi-Melt, ruthlessly tore out a partially-knit scarf with which I was displeased, watched the natty Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes, writhed in pain for five hours, begged off a trip to … Continue reading →

A very proud and public response to my great friend — the delightful writer, rambler, and raconteur, Miss Ayun Halliday — who has asked if I will accompany her to The Russian Turkish Baths in the East Village next week: … Continue reading →

When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had just two things on my mind: Anne Sexton and Mexi-Melts.

You KNOW you’re fucking ancient when every single time you get together for an afternoon of writing, the first 15 minutes are spent enthusiastically discussing either thwarted, elusive bowel movements or gastrointestinal distress. Black Friday dumps are legendary — EVEN … Continue reading →

I am eternally thankful for…my 3 delightful babies; my 1 extraordinary husband; my 2 precious chihuahuas; all of my unique, entertaining, priceless friends; my hilarious, felonious family; knitting; books; travel; movies; Antiques Roadshow; ebay; an iphone on which I can … Continue reading →

Endlessly thankful for all of my talented, titillating, treasured friends, whom I love with all my heart. For me, they are someone to dance with, belly laugh with, belly cry with, travel with, celebrate with, mourn with, eat with, knit … Continue reading →

On this day of great celebration, gratitude, and joy — when we all gather together ’round the table with our loved ones to give thanks for our many blessings in life — I would just like to say that I … Continue reading →