“The assumption that I agreed by mere birth to your so called ‘social contract’ and to your entire body of ancient and useless laws designed primarily to deform my character and limit the possibilities inherent to my essential being is an obscenity and an absurdity, Sir!” — Marquis Donatien De Sade
Did you know that “Yoga” is the Sanskrit word for, “I can smell my own vagina”?
“Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you. All the other tangible rewards will come as a result.” — Miss Maya Angelou
Fuck it. I give up. No matter how much or how hard I study, I CANNOT for the life of me tell Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry apart. Has anybody DNA-tested these bitches? This is a goddamned OUTRAGE.
If you enjoy TALKING SHIT — and frankly, if you are one of MY degenerate friends, how on earth could you NOT? — then you need to get your fine ass on over to Casita del Campo in Silver Lake tomorrow night and buy tickets to see my amazingly talented friends turn themselves inside out for your entertainment (and I mea…n that QUITE LITERALLY) in the one-night-only show, SHITSTORM!
Hear Drag Superstar Miss Jackie Beat, Miss Selene Luna, Mr. Billy Butler, and others tell you their hilarious, humiliating stories of self-defecation, i.e., THE HORRIFYING TIMES THEY EACH SHIT THEIR PANTS IN A PUBLIC PLACE. Miss Beat will be performing some SHITTY songs and there will also be awesome SHIT TALK VIDEOS by the delightful Miss Margaret Cho and Miss Sherry Vine!
As I have always said, FECES IS THE GREAT EQUALIZER…it’s what we ALL have in common and it dudn’t care if you are rich or poor, black or white, Jewish or Muslim, fat or skinny. When you got a happy crap on deck, my friends, WE ARE ALL THE SAME.
So, pull your thumb outta your butt — unless it’s corkin’ the dyke, that is — and come see the show! There are only a few tickets left! Come early and enjoy a DELICIOUS Mexican meal, some hot SALZA, some cool Don Julio and maybe even create some SHIT STORIES OF YOUR VERY OWN! Oh, and for the love of christ, don’t forget your baby wipes!
“Knitting is the saving of life.” — Virginia Woolf
I am blissfully sitting at a salon…watching my gorgeously eccentric, intellectual, 16 year old son, Otis, get his hair cut into a Mohawk. There’s not a single, solitary moment of my life that doesn’t rock. Even when it gets hard or complicated or painful…it’s still lovely beyond words.
“Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” – Agnes Sligh Turnbull
The title of the first #1 single from my new band, “Fatter Than Gladys”: Jackie Beat Can’t Hold Her Mud.”
Don’t know much about history. Don’t know much biology. Don’t know much about a science book. Don’t know much about the French I took. I don’t know much, but I DO know this: I’d rather be a Socialist than a Fascist. If given the choice to err on either the side of ineptitude or the side of malfeasance — I’ll take ineptitude EVERY GODDAMNED TIME. And you can pack that in your ass, steep it, and suck it, motherfuckers.
muffy bolding 