And speaking of top shelf pussy — if I ever put together a band, that’s what it would be called: Top Shelf Pussy.

Although…coming in at a very close second would be “Too Many Uncle”, whose background story goes a little something like this:

My best friend, Billy, lives in Los Angeles…and a few years back, he somehow befriended a handsome, young, intelligent street hustler named Eric (regarding the exact circumstances of their meeting, I shall speak no more…)

It seems that Eric — who was then about 19 and had an IQ of 170 — had essentially been abandoned as a small child by his drug-addled parents, and grew up on the mean streets of LA. He had, of course, taken to hustling to feed himself…however, in between blowjobs and HIV tests, he spent a good deal of time at the LA county library and in the process, full-on educated himself.

By all accounts, he was an extraordinarily enlightened and erudite person — particularly given the circumstances of his life and his background. One Christmas, knowing that he had no family, Billy and his friends — who all work in the industry as actors, directors, and producers — invited Eric to spend the day with them at someone or other’s West Hollywood spread. When he arrived on Christmas morning and saw the gorgeous tree and all the brightly wrapped presents with his name on them, he began to weep. It was the first time he could remember ever receiving any.

Well, getting back to the story, it seems that Eric had staked out his corner on Santa Monica Blvd. and had taken to using one particular motel in which to conduct his bidness activities. The proprietor of this establishment was an elderly Korean man, who used to eye Eric suspiciously as he took his money and handed him a room key.

One evening, as Eric stood at the registration desk with a customer of the male persuasion, the Korean man could stand it no longer, and said, “Boy, you come in heah wit different man all duh time. Wot you do?”

To which Eric drolly replied with a sweep of his hand, “Oh, I have a lot of family visiting from out of town lately. These are all my uncles.”

To which the old Korean man replied, “You got too many uncle!”

Eric died last year of complications from AIDS.