yet another endless self-indulgent meme of unknown origami

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

How on earth did Ernest Borgnine get into my bathroom?

2. How much cash do you have on you?

Fie dolla for fucky-fucky.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”?

Whore.

4. Favorite planet?

I won’t say it. You can’t make me say it.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

My sweet Baby Goat.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

I haven’t figured out the whole ring thing yet on Le Blackberry pie…so right now it’s some sort of lovely pre-programmed Bach or Mozart sounding ring –- which is actually jake by me. The ring on my previous phone was “Clocks” by Coldplay — a band that I’m not totally in love with or anything, but I do adore that song…as it always reminds me of something that Bach or Mozart might be writing today if they weren’t dead, rotting, and stinking in the earth; in other words (WAIT FOR IT)…decomposing.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

No shirt…just a striped schmata and orange sherbety granny panties.

8. Do you “label” yourself?

Yeah, sometimes –- and who really gives a shit if I do, anyway? I always belly laugh when people whine, “Don’t label me” –- because language is nothing more than a construct through which we are better able to convey thought and information. Lighten the fuck up. If the worst problem you have is being labeled, get on your gottdamned knees and thank whatever gods you believe in for your extraordinary good fortune. Or, better yet, spend a week in Darfur and then get back to me upon your return so you can tell me just how tragic it is to be “labeled.”

9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing?

Slippers of unknown pedigree.

10. Bright or Dark Room

Bright, unfortunately. (Hurry, Autumn! I can’t wait!)

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

Christ, I don’t remember who took this test before me. It’s been in a holding pattern in a file for like a month now. Fuck off, lady.

12. What does your watch look like?

A silver Timex with a plain black leather band. It just screams, “WATCH.”

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Dreaming about Kurt and turtles.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

”We never get to lie in bed all day and surf the internets and watch TiVo and eat Taco Bell by the fistful!”

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

Wow, I have no idea. How fucked-up and grown-up is THAT? It’s probably in Pasadena or something.

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Butch.

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?

Gregory, right before he dozed off in his hotel room in Philadelphia. And I returned the love.

18. Last furry thing you touched?

Please don’t ask me questions like this if you don’t want to hear the vile and ungodly answer that you just KNOW an Old Hooker like myself is going to offer up.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

Legal: 5
Illegal: 0

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

I don’t do rolls of film; only cinnamon rolls and rolls in the hay.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

I’d like to do 10 again. Or 17. Or 23. Every age was magnificent in its own way – even the age I am now: 28 (YEAH RIGHT…28 plus tax and deposit)

22. Your worst enemy?

Hands down: Time.

23. What is your current desktop picture?

A really marvelous black and white shot of Jean Luc Godard and his sweet young honey, Anna Karina. The reason I have it up there? Because Godard looks so much like Gregory that it makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

”I love you!”

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

I’d take the simolians — and then fly my fatass to the south of France.

26. Do you like someone?

I like a LOT of people.

27. The last song you listened to?

“My Maria” by BW Stephenson is playing right now – and I am singing at the top of my lungs. I love this song!

28. What time of day were you born?

5:21 am

29. What’s your favorite number?

17

30. Where did you live in 1987?

Fresno, California.

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

God, no.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

God, no.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

Driving over the Coronado Bridge with my babies.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

Hurl curses at their maker.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

I insist on it.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

Probably my upper left arm.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

French; but I’d also like to know Latin.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

I did…and I’d do it again, too.

39. Are you touchy feely?

Yes, unless it’s hot. Then, FUCK OFF.

40. What’s your life motto?

“Here’s some acid for your face, motherfucker!”

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

Blackberry, credit cards, pen&paper.

42. What’s your favorite town/city?

I’d have to say Paris…with London coming in a close second.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

I have three teenagers; I never have cash.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

The Carter Administration.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

Honey, I can barely change the radio station on a car. I am pathetic.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

That he had done time in jail for selling baggie on his industrial towel delivery route. When I loved him, he looked exactly like Ethan Hawke in Dead Poet’s Society.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

Far enough to know that I come from a long line of criminals, thieves, murderers, and embezzlers. Oh…and REAL loose women.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

I don’t dress fancy. Ever. But when I am forced to put on something marginally respectable, it usually involves me looking like a nun –- albeit a nun who is wearing Liddle Kiddle jewelry on her habit, but a nun nun-the-less.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

My temperature is 101 right now — and is at least 100 most days; that pretty much means that I live my life with a perpetual case of the flu. So, to answer your question as to whether or not I am experiencing any pain in my body right now…of course, I am. But, who doesn’t after a few cocktails?

50. Have you been burned by love?

Never.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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17 Responses to yet another endless self-indulgent meme of unknown origami

  1. Geeez. Could this meme be any longer?
    My answer to # 4 is…Uranus because it’s the punch-line to many, many jokes, as you can well imagine. Well, okay, not really, but you’ll just have to wait until I take this meme mymy selfself.

  2. yeshiveh says:

    At least it wasn’t Shelly Winters.

  3. muffybolding says:

    hey, i musta changed up my planet answer to yer anus before you posted this comment. read it again, herr filmie.
    now matter how fucking predictable it would be for me to do so, you can’t make me say it. you can’t make me. you can’t make me. <—how fucking gilligan is THIS schtick, i ask you?
    xoxo

  4. muffybolding says:

    umm…i AM shelley winters, motherfucker — or at least i wish i were. she was one butch bitchin’ babe.
    xoxo

  5. muffybolding says:

    i’ll be right over — with the cock rings, tit clamps, and crisco. oh, and one hellacious order of taco bell.
    LET’S DO IT, sailor.
    =:-)
    xoxo

  6. yeshiveh says:

    Don’t forget the jumper cables and car battery for my testicles, and I’m game.

  7. dog_walker says:

    don’t Label me…DON’T LABEL ME!!!!
    Unless you have a label-maker, then go right ahead.

  8. dog_walker says:

    Dou you know what a “sound” is? Those are GREAT to attach car batteries to.
    Though, there is a danger of cauterizing the head of the penis shut.

  9. I loved you in Winchester 73 with Jimmy Stewart…Ummmmmmm…have you died your hair since that movie?

  10. yeshiveh says:

    It’s like I don’t even know you sometimes…

  11. chreebomb says:

    best meme answers ever.
    decomposing!
    *dead*

  12. freakstorm says:

    When are we going to the South of France? without kids! or with kids, I’d miss them so much I probably wouldn’t have fun…..oh wait, with alcohol I can do anything, forget the kids.

  13. 😛
    “Here’s some acid for your face, motherfucker!”
    I love that movie.

  14. dog_walker says:

    I’m an enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in struedel and drizzled with frosting.

  15. Endlessly amusing. Not to mention revealing.
    Here’s a random Mike story: Once while I was on holiday on the Oregon coast, I went to a Taco Bell drive-through at midnight with a guy I had just met at a party to pick up a HUGE order for ourselves & the rest of the crew. We were fried out of our minds on wacky tobacky and the order-taker must have been too (or just really, really stupid) because what ensued was the most fucked-up and hilarious experience I’ve ever had in a drive-through. We tried to order but the guy just kept asking us questions through the crackling speaker and we could not for the life of us figure out what he was trying to ask us — which of course sent us into fits of uncontrollable laughter. This went on forever. Finally, we just screamed some very basic orders at him and pulled forward. We were laughing so hard by the time we got to the window that tears were streaming down our faces. We ended up just throwing a bunch of money at the dumbfuck and grabbing the giant, steaming, soggy sack. Mmmmm. I don’t know what we ebnded up with but I do remember it being the best Taco Bell food EVER!

  16. #32. Are you out of your whorin’ mind?? Not jealous of you with a man like that gracing your phone line, text message, and bed? *sigh* I am mortally jealous and rank your Gregory in the top 10 of my “Someday-I’ll-have-one-o’-them” list.

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