julia

My younger sister, Julia, is one of the most kind-hearted people I know. She is the sort of person who will give you anything she has, without a moment’s hesitation — even when she has nothing. Her heart is strong and true.

Although she was married once (to guitarist George Lynch) she has never had any children — instead choosing to lavish all her abundant love and affection onto her four cats. These kitties are so well loved that when their mother is away from home for any amount of time over just a few hours, she lets them know they’re adored via a method that always make me belly laugh out loud whenever I think of it: She leaves the volume on her home answering machine turned all the way on blast and she calls and talks to them…calls them over by name to tell them hello and that mama is coming home soon. This practice amuses me no end, as I always imagine those fucking cats hauling fat ass to the kitchen counter and mewing and rubbing up against the answering machine when they hear her sweet, dulcet voice echoing throughout the house.

As my regular readers know, I have several sisters (6 0r 7, I always answer when asked. I never can remember exactly) all lovely — but none so lovely as Julia. Not a week goes by that someone doesn’t comment that she looks like either Phoebe Cates or Talisa Soto. She also has big, gorgeous jugs and an exquisite body — all covered with smooth bronze skin. She is as beautiful outside as she is inside.

Along with those looks, she has also been blessed with a voice like an angel; in fact, in her late 20’s, she spent several years singing in various nightclubs in Tokyo. She used to send me funny letters and postcards documenting her journey — and was always accommodating when I would make ridiculous requests of her, asking to see pictures of the all-talent pink plastic Japanese appliances in which she washed her clothes and dishes, as well as the interesting assortment of wacky foodstuff peppering the shelves of her local grocer.

Lest you think that Julia has a life of ease and perfection, I need to tell you that along with her many virtues and gifts, she was also cursed with a very perilous, incurable condition: Bi-polar Disorder (Type I). This means that along with all of the joy and love in her life come many trials and difficulties. In her quest for respite from the relentless onslaught of her mental illness, she has spent the past few years self-medicating with alcohol. This has led to episodes of depression so deafening that, in the past, she has attempted suicide on five separate occasions.

But, last year, after her doctor told her that although she is only 34, the alcohol was starting to take its toll on her body, she went to an AA meeting and hasn’t looked back. She has been sober for over eight months, gotten on the necessary medication to control her condition, and has been successfully working hard to get her life back on track. We are all so proud of her.

My sweet little sister’s body was found this morning. She is dead.

I am dead.

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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103 Responses to julia

  1. horridtrixie says:

    oh my dear muffy. I am so very sorry. Endless amounts of love to you and your family. Whatever you need, just say it.

  2. amarama says:

    Muffy, what horrible and horrifying news. So much love to you.

  3. kalimama says:

    How heartbreaking. I’m so very sorry.
    Love to you and your family…we’re here for you, whatever you need.

  4. Oh, my god.
    Muffy, I am so, so sorry.

  5. graciebaby_ says:

    oh.
    I am so sorry.
    so very sorry. my thoughts are with you and your family.

  6. krzdiamond says:

    oh, i am so sorry. i have no words. i am so sorry.

  7. ixzist says:

    that is so sad. my heart goes out to you.

  8. There aren’t words for me to say how much I wish you and your loved ones didn’t have to go through this. My thoughts are with you all. So much love and healing and cathartic rage and whatever else it is you need to make it to the next moment to all of you.

  9. Oh geez, Muffy. That’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.

  10. hyacinth321 says:

    you are in my thoughts and prayers. xo

  11. jette says:

    Oh shit. I am so sorry.

  12. loolica says:

    Oh, Muffy, I am so so sorry. Words are never enough in the face of such an overwhelming loss. This rends my heart. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  13. ubiquity75 says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss.

  14. Oh Muffy I love you I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry.

  15. anjibobanji says:

    I am so very sorry Muffy. I am so sorry. You are all in my prayers.

  16. trailofstars says:

    Oh my dear Muffy. I am so sorry. Words are empty in the face of such grief and loss. May you find a sliver of light in the dark. All of my love & prayers.

  17. I’m so sorry for your loss– you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  18. Oh god, Muffy. I am so deeply sorry for your and your family’s loss.

  19. raybear says:

    i wish i could carry some of the pain for you. you’re in my thoughts.

  20. ladycakes says:

    I am so very sorry, Muffy.
    Sending you and your family love.

  21. nancydrewmfa says:

    oh i am so sorry. i had no idea where your post was leading…i was thinking a success story, a story about how we can all see ourselves in julia’s beauty, a story of hope haloes with glass shards.
    i guess this was all those stories.
    my heart is with you…as you travel, as you funeral, as you wake, as you do whatever it takes…
    love, kelly

  22. foolsgoldxo says:

    oh sweetheart – I am so sorry. What a horrific tragedy.
    I am so sad for your great loss honey and will be holding you close.
    Rest in peace sweet Julia.

  23. motdujour says:

    Sweetheart, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.

  24. human_loser says:

    I’m so very sorry. My condolences.

  25. langus says:

    Oh honey. I am so very very sorry. All of the love I have goes out to you. If you need anything, let me know. xoxo

  26. starmiranda says:

    I am so, so sorry, Muffy. My thoughts are with you & your family. xoxo

  27. oh my god. Muffy.
    I wish her a journey of light and freedom from what ailed her. And I wish you every bit of strength you have, and the ability to let others really be there for you, for all of you, right now.

  28. morgoid says:

    My thoughts are with you and with your family.

  29. chloesha says:

    Oh Muffy — no one can write a tribute like you. What a fantastic family you have. What a sad turn of events. I’m so sorry for your loss. Please be well and be safe. xc

  30. gordonzola says:

    Oh Muffy, I’m sorry. Given that I’ve just returned from a memorial, be assured my thoughts are now with you and how hard it must be. xoxo

  31. nshgrl says:

    oh my god. i am so very sorry and so so so sad for you. my sisters mean the world to me and my daughter is bipolar. i spend every moment fearing for what you are going through. much love and I wish I could wrap my arms around you. god…

  32. Oh Muffy. So so sorry. What shocking news. Love to you and your whole family. xxx

  33. panic_bird says:

    Oh, I am so very sorry. xxx

  34. luckysaddle says:

    Shit. Hugely sorry for your loss. What a great tribute.
    x

  35. beelavender says:

    Oh Muffy, I’m so sorry. My heart & all wishes go out to you. xoxoox

  36. arasay says:

    I’m so very sorry.

  37. lli says:

    Reading this, then looking at that lovely smile, sends me into shock and denial: how can this be? It can’t. Muffy, I am so very sorry.

  38. oh, muffy. i am so, so sorry.
    my love to you and your family.

  39. phaenix_ash says:

    oh god, muffy. i am so sorry. do they know what happened? *tears* what a beautiful girl! i’m so sorry!

  40. lonelydolly says:

    My thoughts are with you. Lots of love………
    XO

  41. There are NEVER words for anything like this. Never enough of them, or always too many sorrys.
    I’ve got a candle going – the one that smells like lavender and lemons … to your family and to you especially. She is so lucky to have been loved by the likes of you, and your loss is a devistating one. I can feel the hole in the universe left by her from here.
    Lots and lots and lots of hugs for you babe.
    xoxoxoxox
    Jenn

  42. turtleblues says:

    I’m so sorry, Muffy.

  43. justkimu says:

    *love* to all of you.
    I don’t know what to say…
    *hugs*

  44. oh, muffy, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

  45. hotoddy says:

    I never know what to say.
    I’m very sorry.

  46. gusset_putty says:

    This is one of the most terrible nightmares I can imagine. I am so sorry for you and your family, what an unbelievable hurt.

  47. slit says:

    Oh my god, I’m so sorry to hear this. The way you write, I feel like I know her. Love to you and your family.

  48. remfrance says:

    oh muffy. i’m so sorry. just … i’m so sorry. you and your family are in my thoughts and in my heart. that’s the only thing i can say.

  49. pastaqueen says:

    I’m so sorry, Muffy. It sounds like she burned brightly and shortly.

  50. veggiemama says:

    I’m so sorry. You’re in my thoughts. xo.

  51. huffifer says:

    i am so very sorry for your loss. wishing you some peace. xoxo.

  52. penelopesque says:

    No. No. No. No.
    That is the call we all live in such fear of. I don’t even have words to express my sorrow for you and yours, dear Muffy.

  53. brokenpress says:

    This is just horrible, I am so sorry for you loss and can’t even imagine the pain you are going through. Lot of people are thinking of you and your family.

  54. scoutj says:

    Oh God Muffy. Words can’t express how sorry I am for you and your family. I have tears in my eyes. Sending you love.

  55. daybook says:

    I am SO sorry. That could be my sister. And I feel like I’ve sort of been expecting to hear something like this about for the past 20 years.

  56. dcart says:

    Oh god, hon, I’m so, so sorry. I can only imagine and would really rather not. I’m the oldest of four and I’ve honestly never even thought of what it might be like to lose one of them until this moment. I am sending as much love your way as I can.

  57. Oh sweet muffy I am so sad. Such a terrible loss. I wish there was something that I could say that would make it better but there never is. I love you. I’m so sorry. So very sorry. xo

  58. cindimama says:

    oh god Muffy!! Oh god!! I’m so so so sorry!! XOXOX If you need anything at all, ever! 480-688-2185! CALL ME!!

  59. riot718 says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person. I am so sorry.

  60. lunapoppy says:

    oh no. oh god no. i am so sorry.

  61. livsmama says:

    I am so so sorry. How devistating.
    She is beautiful.

  62. soluspyxis says:

    there are no words. but i will pray for you and yours.

  63. oh my god.
    no no no no no
    oh, doll.

  64. onda_dog says:

    Many condolences. You are in my thoughts … RM

  65. wabash says:

    What a gorgeous lady she was. Oh Muffy, I am so sorry for your loss.

  66. misquoted says:

    I’m so sorry, Muffy. You and yours are in my prayers.

  67. acthomas says:

    Oh god Muffy.
    I can’t even think of one single thing to say.
    Jesus. She’s beautiful.
    i’ll call you later.

  68. jillbertini says:

    Oh Muffy! I’m so sorry to hear about your sister and your loss. I am keeping you in my heart and thoughts.

  69. chreebomb says:

    oh my dear, dear sweet muffy. i am so very sorry.
    rest in peace, beautiful julia.

  70. ancientnow says:

    Oh muffy. oh baby. I am so sad for you. I have rearranged my kwan yin and buddha and mary and sedona rocks and lit a candle and I just can’t stop crying. Love and peace be with you.

  71. You have my heart felt regaurds.
    If you need anyone to talk to,although I imagine you have someone,several people,if there is anything I can do,I am here.
    I am sorry for your loss,this is horrible,and I’m so sorry.
    Dean
    415-955-2158
    707-748-1380
    day or night,I’m there.

  72. punkermama says:

    all the love in the world to you right now, Miss muffy.

  73. andriagirlie says:

    What????? Muffy! I am…so sorry. so sorry.

  74. hapawawa says:

    I am so, so sorry
    Words cannot begin to accurately tell you this. Oh, God. I just don’t know what to say except that I’m keeping you in my thoughts. Please take care…

  75. 24hourmama says:

    OH, darling, no, no, no….
    I’m so, so sorry. I cannot, cannot fathom the grief. Words cannot express. I”m so sorry.

  76. robertainnc says:

    Oh Muffy.
    Sending you love and support.
    XO, Bert

  77. My dear Muffy…nothing I can possibly write could take your sadness or hers so I am at a loss. Thank you for sharing her with us all. If anything I hope you can wrap yourself in all the love and well wishes you read here while you cry.
    I’ll be thinking of you

  78. oh jesus. i’m so sorry muffy. so very sorry.
    so much love slinging across the universe to you and julia and the rest of the world that loved her.

  79. OH Muffy. That is too much. My heart goes out to you.

  80. daisygrl says:

    Oh my God. I am so so sorry, Muffy. So very sad. I am so sorry for your loss. ❤

  81. manoman says:

    Oh my darlin………… what a tragedy and shock. I am so sorry about this. Know that you are in my heart.

  82. lesli says:

    Oh….I am so sad for your loss. I wanted to cheer for her and her sobriety. I can not express how much I wish I could help your pain lessen.
    She is beautiful…and you should always remember her as she was in that picture.

  83. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  84. you and your family are in my thoughts. take care of yourself. take care of each other.

  85. charris says:

    oh my god. oh my god!
    I wish I had words. My heart is breaking for you.

  86. streetdreams says:

    I am so sorry for your and the world’s loss.

  87. gusset_putty says:

    i’ve been thinking about you, i carry you wherever i am.

  88. abrichar says:

    Muffy.
    I’m so awfully sorry for your loss, and I add my healing thoughts and love to all that’s being directed toward you and your family.

  89. chocobotkid says:

    muffy, i am so sorry to hear about your sister.
    i am bipolar 1. i just spent last week with my sister.
    sisters.
    many hugs.
    lotsa love,
    lindsey

  90. gusset_putty says:

    still thinking of you, baby.

  91. unemployia says:

    OH MUFFY! oh oh – I am so sorry. I hadn’t been caught up in my livejournal reading.
    may some eternal angel wrap its wings around you and yours now. i am so sorry. what horrible news.
    some say, that they never regret the love of one they have only known for three days, or 8 months. (I was reading about parents who children die early since my local friend had her baby die last year) How much someone can touch your life forever. life can be so brief. life can be so shocking. this is the worst kind of news. poor muffy. I am so sorry.

  92. 24hourmama says:

    Hey darling, we’re all thinking of you. I know you’re in incredible pain – I hope you can feel us all, all over the fucking country, sending you love. XO

  93. batmom says:

    oh dear muffy…i am so sad for your loss! i am wishing for you the comfort and peace of your family during this rough, heartbreaking time!

  94. themagdalen says:

    oh, darlin.
    I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry to have just found out.
    Have been thinking of you.
    I’m back.

  95. muffybolding says:

    Re: oh, darlin.
    one beautiful spirit leaves this place…and another enters.
    =:-)
    and so goes life.
    all my best wishes on the blessed arrival of your new baby boy. i just found out the good news! he is absolutely gorgeous!
    and thank you for your kind words of comfort. they mean more to me than you know, ms. magdalen.
    all my love to you and your sweet little family.
    xoxo

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