So, The Daily Beast recently named Fresno the 55th smartest large city in the United States.

That’s 55th out of … 55.

To which I say, FUCK RIGHT ON OFF, HATERS…because aside from all the intolerant, misguided, Right Wing Conservative Christian bastards who people the place — oh, and trust me, PLENTY OF THEM MOTHERFUCKERS DO PEOPLE IT — Fresno is an awesome place to have grown up…and I wouldn’t trade my time there for anything in the world. You might be surprised to hear that those things you may perhaps see in my character or in my work that you find in any way interesting or entertaining, were absolutely informed by a youth spent in the Land of The Dancing Raisins, Klein’s Mighty Truck Stop, Lesterburger, Oberti Olive commercials with spokesman Al Fucking Radka acting the fool, and toothless hookers named Aquanetta, Rayleen, and Lupe sashaying Blackstone Avenue in tube tops and tube socks whilst oblivious local families frolicked in the original Me n’ Eds Pizza Parlor right alongside them (BEST PIZZA EVER.) Rest assured, Fresno WILL be immortalized in my writing — of that, have NO DOUBT.

To shamelessly steal from another artist who also dearly loved the hardscrabble place in which he grew up …allow me to say that Fresno is in my ears and in my eyes. There is no escaping that for me…EVER — nor would I want to. For better or for worse, Fresno is at the very heart of who and what I am — and I would be nothing at all without it.

So, anyone who fucks with Fresno has got to come through ME first. This little working class Metseecan girl will take off these gottdamned hoops right now and GO FULL CHOLA on your ass.


About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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