Recently, some friends and I were discussing the whole “Sexy Costume” obsession that has descended upon our culture over the past decade or two. It seems that anytime a person with a poontang dresses up for Halloween, it absolutely MUST be of the “sexy” variety…i.e., a sexy Raggedy Ann, a sexy Dorothy Gayle, or even a sexy Zombie. It can’t just be Alice in Wonderland — no, that’s just not good enough. It’s got to be Alice in Wonderland…in a Wonderbra, garters, stockings, and 6 inch bitch heels — with a tattoo of the White Rabbit peeking out from the edge of ruffled panties.
But the best sexy costume that I’ve heard of so far? This year, one of my daughter’s friends is actually dressing up as a SEXY OOMPA-LOOMPA. That’s right, my poppets…orange skin, white booty-short overalls, and a green wig teased up to look like the headliner at Jumbo’s Clown Room.
Christ, I love this goddamned country of mine.