pole

In saying that I am no longer able to partake of either the pixilated or the “live poon/scratch n’ sniff” versions myself, I am certainly not judging others who do watch porn — or even those who take part in its making. But, for me, it’s just too much of a reminder of what can go wrong when you have children.

Yes, I know that some women — mostly those with Betty Page bangs, Sailor Jerry tattoos, PT Cruisers, and toddler daughters named Ruby — find empowerment in sex work…but for most, unfortunately, that’s just simply not true. For most, their last hope for Ruby’s future is that she would have to spend her nights taking her clothes off in front of strangers…all so she could feed and clothe her own toddler daughter, Linda (which, trust me, will be a REALLY COOL HIPSTER BABY NAME in about 20 years.)

Anyway, it’s like I always say — if, at the end of my life, I have kept those two adorable little bitches off the pole…THEN I DONE MY JOB, GODDAMNIT.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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