my felonious beau

“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they’ll kill you.” — Oscar Wilde

Man, talk about being born at the wrong time in history. How much would this amazing queen have rocked the fucking Intarwebs? Can you even imagine the astonishing brilliance that would be his blog? It boggles the motherlovin’ mind. Such a pity.

At any rate, this much I know for sure: If he and I had ever sashayed this planet concurrently, Oscar and I would’ve been total BFFs FOREVER. In fact, knowing me and my perpetual penchant for taking the very souls and beings of my gay male friends directly into my body, like some sort of an UNHOLY COMMUNION WAFER WITH IMPECCABLE TASTE, A BITING WIT, VINTAGE FRENCH CUFFLINKS, A COLD, COLD EYE, and a WARM, WARM HEART, I probably would’ve married him, a la Liza, a la Judy, a la Carrie — and lived merrily, profanely, wryly, deliciously, scandalously, exuberantly ever after.

Maybe next time around.

Love you, Oscie.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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