“shift yer cargo, dearie — show ’em your larboard side!”

Huh. I guess the impending surgical doom is making me feel remarkably indecisive today because I cannot accurately gauge whether this kid’s outrageous, extravagant pirate bedroom is making me want to bow down and worship his generous, imaginative parents — OR INSERT MY BE-BUCKLED, BLACK-LEATHER, THIGH-HIGH SHIP-KICKERS DIRECTLY INTO THEIR OVERINDULGENT UGLY-AMERICAN BOOTIES.

I shall let you decide.

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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2 Responses to “shift yer cargo, dearie — show ’em your larboard side!”

  1. H. S. Moore says:

    Given the money, time, and skill I would totally build something like that for Spawn.

  2. Moschops says:

    Build it for the kids? It’s wasted on them. I’d build it for myself.

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