gather thy juevos, while ye may!

Easter is, and always has been, my least favorite holiday.

#1, I hate the fucking palette. It makes me want to KICK ASS.

#2, I hate scufflin’ shoes a-white. They make me want to BEAT ASS.

And #3, for many, Easter means Jesus and Spring and the coming of new life, both literally and figuratively. But for those of us who are proud, avowed pantheists who also suffer horribly with reverse seasonal mood disorder, it means the coming of THE INFERNO…also both literally and figuratively. The soul-destroying swelter of Summer and institutions that both harbor and protect monsters who rape little children — as well as stifle and condemn the extraordinary power, beauty, and perfection that is inherent to our being — CAN BOTH FUCKING SUCK IT.

Happy Easter! I’ll see you in hell, boys — it is there we will share out our sentence.


About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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2 Responses to gather thy juevos, while ye may!

  1. Pingback: NICE BASKET! | Jackie Beat

  2. Pingback: NICE BASKET! « Jackie Beat | The Official Site of America's Biggest Bitch

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