Oh, my stars…what a whirlwind weekend of WONDER! Last night my fatass sashayed into an AWESOME club in Little Tokyo with My One True Love and our best girl, Miss Pammie, where we partooketh of a jaw-dropping performance of REAL-DEAL, NO HORSESHIT, OL’ SCHOOL JAZZ…and that was only after I had lunch yesterday at that infamous Eagle Rock HOUSE OF GUSTATORY DELIGHTS, Auntie Em’s Kitchen, with my VERY BEST BOYS: Gregory, Mario Diaz, and Jackie Beat…where our lunch date was (YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS) Fred “My Band’s AMAZING Music and GROUNDBREAKING Aesthetic Changed The Life of a Trashy Fresno Trollop Named Muffy Bolding” Schneider.
Holy shit…SOMEBODY PINCH THIS PINCHE PUTA.
Herr Schneider, Old Hooker, Older Hooker, and a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BABY NAMED ‘BABY”!
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.