now ear this: SUCK IT

Mother of god. So, once again, crawling out of the “highly offended” woodwork come all the stereotypical holier-than-though bastards, braying like some judgmental Greek Chorus that getting your six month old half-Nicaraguan daughter’s ears pierced at her Miami pediatrician’s office is a) “sexualizing” her, b) low-rent, i.e., not something that decent, middle or upper-middle class (read: WHITE) people do, and/or c) actually akin to genital mutilation.

Everyone just needs to calm down and SHUT THE FUCK UP. My complete piece-of-ass Filipina/Metseecan mother sat my narrow, two year old ass in my high chair, handed me a Cherry popsicle, and pierced my toddler ears with a piece of ice, some rubbing alcohol, and a gottdamned needle and thread — and look at me. Aside from being a fierce, foul-mouthed whore who wakes up with chunks of Asshole Anti-Woman Fundamentalist Christian Republicans in my stool, I TURNED OUT JUST FUCKING FINE.

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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1 Response to now ear this: SUCK IT

  1. Marie says:

    Well now.. Whatever will they think of me? I pierced my daughters ears when she was a month old, now 15 years later I guess I will have to worry about the obvious trauma that this will undoubtedly bring upon her life… ahem, what a horrible mother I am. I adore you Ms. Bolding 🙂

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