My Fellow Countrymen and Countrywomen: What a grand, glorious, and festive week this is! Happy 10th Anniversary of the US Invasion of Iraq!…the cause of which is the greatest, most expensive, most despicable, most murderous, most malfeasant, most EVIL LIE ever perpetrated on the American people by its own government.
Make no mistake…we have lost a brace of kinsmen.
All are punish’d…
but, if there is indeed a god, hopefully SOME MOTHERFUCKERS shall be more punish’d than others.
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mister Rogers’ clock. The hands have never moved, indicating that in his entire life, he never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“And where’s Dick Cheney’s clock?” asked the man.
“Oh, Dick Cheney’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”