I can voice my displeasure!
I can speak my truth!
I can call a queen out!
I can loathe okra!
I can squirt pee when I sneeze!
I can be good without a god!
I can tap-dance on your grave!
I can gush love!
I can make you disappear!
I can radiate who I am!
I can feel the radiance of who you are!
I can smoke an e-cig and let shit slide!
I can!

I can listen to OK Computer and be right back on that couch!
I can feel the splendour in the grass and the glory in the flower!
I can feel the inexorable sadness of pencils and the delight of a cold plum!
I can hold creation in my foot!
I can flow in the scrolls of her toga!
I can feel the awful rowing toward god!
I can dare to eat the peach!
I can!

I can tape my check to my power bill with a used estrogen ass-patch!
I can give my husband a hand job in the dark on Pirates of The Caribbean!
I can wolf Nutella outta the jar with my social finger at 3 am!
I can get my hair bobbed at Supercuts for 17 bucks!
I can lust after Tyrion Lannister!
I can snipe vintage rickshaw brooches on ebay and still sleep at night!
I can own just one tube of red lipstick and no other make-up and the world can suck my dick!
I can kick an insolent bitch in the taco!
I can chase gay men!
I can kick-start a vibrator!
I can worship Roseanne!
I can wear size 8 white cotton Target Granny Panties and STILL be a whore!
I can smile and wink at a hot 21 year old grocery bagger named Chet who would totally think I look like Gladys Presley, if he only knew who the fuck Gladys Presley was!
I can!

I like my Husband!
I like my Gusband!
I like my Babies!
I like my Poochies!
I like my Framily!
I like my Dougie!
I like my brooches!
I like Del Taco!
I like Neely O’Hara!
I like Madeline Kahn!
I like my knitting!
I like my French press!
I like my new house!
I like my new ‘hood!
I like my trucker mouth!
I like my DGAF attitude!
I like my skin tags!
I like my beaver tail titties!
I like my age spots!
I like my lack of shame!
I like my lack of lubrication!
I like my forehead wrinkles!
I like my spider-veined legs!
I like my wicked eyebrows!
I like my baggy elbows!
I like my back fat!
I like my Russian shot-putter legs!
I like my chin whiskers!
I like my hot flashes!
I like my stray grey pubes!
I like my Florida Evans neck!
I like my GLORIOUS GUNT!
I do!

I can do anything!
I can be anything!
I can say anything!
I can write anything!
I can fight anything!
I can eat anything!
I can wear anything!
I can knit anything!
I can love anything!
I can hate anything!
I can embrace anything!
I can destroy anything!
I can SCHTUPP ANYTHING!