“Jesus getting his nails painted.”

An affectionate, open letter to the boy on my Facebook friends list who commented on my original post of this photo a couple of days ago, “Sorry, Muffy…You’re better than that.”:

Actually, Sugar…I gotta tell you — I’M NOT. I honestly think this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen, and trust me, I have SEEN A LOT. When I first saw it on the wall of one of my best friends, it made me BELLY LAUGH OUT LOUD. HOWL, in fact. It’s fucking CLEVER AS HELL. I would get this TATTOOED ON MY BODY…and I don’t even HAVE any tattoos.

If you’ve been reading me for awhile, and I do believe you have, you will know that I don’t ever make jokes about raped, garotted, murdered, little girls or boys (i.e., JonBenet Ramsey), or raped, garotted, murdered, grown men or women, for that matter, or even tortured, suffering, murdered animals, but I will most certainly make a joke or an observation about THIS awesome fellow (i.e., such as my recent revelation that I have wanted to make out with him since I watched the BRILLIANT Franco Zeffirelli mini-series, “Jesus of Nazareth” when I was a teenager)…as well as making jokes or observations about other awesome fellows like Buddha, Mohammed, Jehovah, Xenu, Zeus, Pazuzu, etc…because (for me) they are abstract concepts, literary fodder, fictional characters in a GREAT COSMIC PLAY.

Let me ask you a question: Have you ever called someone out for making a XENU/Scientology joke, like you just called ME out for making a Jesus joke? I don’t suspect so. And further…have YOU YOURSELF ever actually MADE a joke at ol’ Xenu’s expense? I SURELY FUCKING HAVE…and so have a LOT of people, INCLUDING THOSE who hold this bearded guy right here in THE ULTIMATE, SACRED REVERENCE. What this means is that they, and maybe even YOU, have laughed at SOMEONE ELSE’S GOD. Allow me to rephrase that: What this means is that they, and maybe even YOU, have laughed at someone else’s JESUS.

And let me go one step further and hazard another guess. I would guess that even those fervent followers of the man pictured above, when they first saw this image, when they FIRST cocked their head to one side, gazed at this photo and then suddenly GOT IT — my guess is that in that split second, right before they were shocked, horrified, and offended, THEY SMILED and maybe even CHUCKLED…and thought it was FUCKING HILARIOUS. Maybe even yourself, Sugar. You know why? BECAUSE IT IS. And you wanna know what? That moment…THAT SPLIT SECOND BEFORE THEY WERE HORRIFIED, in THAT INSTANT WHEN THEIR BRAIN SAID, “HOLY SHIT…THAT’S FUCKING FUNNY.”…contained within that moment, Darling, is MY RELIGION. And I gotta say that I believe, with ALL MY HEART, that ol’ Jesus himself would have BELLY LAUGHED at this image. From all that I know of him, Jesus, the man, was AWESOME.

Thank you for thinking that I am a better person — I know with all my heart that there was kindness in your comment — but, the truth is…judging by the gauge with which you were measuring me…I am not. I don’t believe in this god or any other — well, aside from the fact that I believe we are ALL GODS…and I CERTAINLY don’t believe in that gauge. I am just me. Flaws and folly and chin whiskers and all — but I do like to think that I am a good person, anyway, good just for good’s sake.

Good WITHOUT A GOD.

Thanks for commenting, my brutha.
xoxo