jesus was hot

And while I am typing meaningful missives:

A Heartfelt Letter To An Old Friend From My Youth Who Stops By My Facebook Page Occasionally To Leave What I Absolutely Know To Be Loving And Well-Intentioned Comments Such As: “Why would Jesus tell people to repent, if repenting wasn’t important?”:

My DEAREST, DARLING Old Friend Whom I GENUINELY Love And Admire So Very Much And On Whom I Had A HUGE Scorching Crush In High School —

Though it’s certainly possible that I was too drunk on a 40 of Olde English 800 pimped at Roberto’s liquor store at lunch, or too distracted giving handjobs in the junior parking lot at break to have heard him, but as far as I know, Jesus never, ever told MY FATASS to repent. In fact, Jesus has never actually told me ANYTHING. You know, now that I really think about it, aside from being a WAY HOT, GORGEOUS character in a Franco Zeffirelli mini-series on whom I also had a VERY SERIOUS crush when we were teenagers, Jesus hasn’t really had much affect on my life at all.

Me? I just wake up every single morning and try to be the best, most loving, most decent, most kind, most generous, most grateful, most compassionate, most PRESENT person I can be — and I cannot tell you how very happy and satisfied and content I am with my life and my family and my friends and my work. I know that MY way is certainly not the only way, nor is it perhaps the BEST way for anybody else — but for me? It works. Swimmingly.

So, if being a Godless Whore means being a woman WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS, IS NOT AFRAID TO GO AFTER IT, IS IN CONTROL OF HER OWN BODY AND HER OWN DESTINY, AND LIVES LIFE ON HER OWN MOTHERLOVING TERMS, then may I say that I am MOST ASSUREDLY A GODLESS WHORE, sir…and PROUD TO CALL MYSELF ONE.

Much peace and love to you, Old Friend — may you find all that you seek in THIS life…and EVERY OTHER.

With much love and respect,
Muffy
xoxo

PS) Speaking about our next lives…when we at long last find ourselves there, might we FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY get the chance to make out? Sweet Jesus, YOU’RE GORGEOUS. Almost as gorgeous as THIS GUY.

jesus_of_nazareth

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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