beige is the rage

Also — and perhaps I feel this way simply because I am a GODDAMNED POUND PUPPY, descended from EVERY FUCKING MARGINALIZED MUD CULTURE ON EARTH — but I just gotta say that I am pretty much OVER the whole hysterical charge of “Cultural Appropriation!” every five seconds. Doesn’t everybody realize that, not too far in the future, it is a MATHEMATICAL CERTAINTY that EVERYONE will be a MARVELOUSLY MONGRELIZED MUTTY MELANGE. Hey, just like me!

My proposal then, is this: Teach your kids about where their ancestors came from, what foods they ate, what clothing they wore, what gods they worshipped, what dances they did, what tales they told, what language they spoke. Display art from your family’s place of origin in your home, so your babies can see it every day — so that it is IN THEIR EARS and IN THEIR EYES. You can even take a trip and immerse your babies in the motherland from whence their pipples came — STEEP THEM IN THE LIVING GHOSTS OF THEIR ANCESTORS. And then?

SHUT THE FUCK UP and HAVE A GOOD TIME! Go to a Redskins game and consume a brace o’ nachos and Margaritas with great gusto and, at halftime, enjoy an Amy Winehouse soul video on the Jumbotron and the inspiring sight of Gwen Stephani’s bindi shining like justice and Miley Cyrus twerking her flat ass off with all her WHITE MIGHT.

Yes, yes, yes, I know ALL about Oppression and Colonialism…but at some point, we just have to realize and accept that it is inevitable. THERE IS NO STOPPING IT.

That’s right: WE ARE EVOLUTION’S BITCH. IT OWNS US. Every time Kanye sticks his dick into Kim, we move closer and closer to Our Destiny:

Pantone #17-1227


About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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