“So, Edith, tell me…have you ever felt suicidal?”
“You’re asking me if I have ever felt suicidal?”
“Yes, I am. Why are you smiling? Is that a funny question to you?”
“Funny. Yes. And the answer to your funny question is yes, Dr. Lowell, I have felt suicidal. In fact, I am feeling suicidal right now. Right now, as I am sitting here in your mauve office speaking these words aloud to you, I am feeling suicidal. I felt suicidal when I was brushing my teeth this morning, and I will feel suicidal when I am brushing my teeth tonight. Feeling suicidal is such an integral part of who I am and how I move through this world, that I could literally sit here and continue sipping this delicious, icy cold bottle of water and enjoying your air conditioning, your muzak, and our lovely conversation…or, just as easily, pick up this chair, chuck it through that fucking window right there, and French kiss the sidewalk seven stories below us — without a single change in my expression, demeanor, or pulse. For me, one choice is just the same as the other. I would feel nothing…except, of course, the concrete…and the very distinct awareness that my last moments in this world were spent looking exactly like a Tex Avery cartoon. Now, THAT’S funny.”
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About muffybolding
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
muffy bolding 
suicide is an art,,,ways you plan to die,,what’s going to happen when you die,,what you want your funeral…who you write your will tooo…it is so appealing that when you see ,” the end,” on a movie screen you get excited..i love when things are over some for reason,,and come to a completion,,that what suicide is about to me…to be done and over. you think about all these things coming to fucken completion than you can rest with satisfaction it’s over I’ve don’t best i could fucke goodr riddens you fucked up world,,suicide is fucking head trip in life,,,that’s the action is real but it’s not real,,cuz who knows where you go after you die??? what i hate is when pussy assholes shoot up a school,,instead of just shooting themselves and being done with it…if your gonna kill yourself do it! but don’t take people with you,,who don’t want to die,,you pussy motherfuckers. I hope you wrought in hell for that!