Inane Muff Fact #804: In what surely must have been a COMPLETELY SHOCKING and DISQUIETING SIGHT, I spoke in full sentences whilst still an infant (this fact having been verified by several pediatric medical specialists) and could easily read tawdry grown-up novels like, “Valley of the Dolls” aloud when most children are still learning their colors. Can you say MUTANT? My first spoken word was MOON — and my first and earliest memory is of bare black branches against a grey blustery sky, most likely as seen from the vantage point of flat on my back in my baby buggy during my very first Fall/Winter in Rochester, New York. To this day, that remains the time of year when I am finally roused from my LONG, SURLY, HEAT SLEEP and feel MOST FULLY ALIVE, VIBRANT, PRODUCTIVE, AND CREATIVE.
The rich, velvety, visual life that has both sustained and compelled me artistically and augmented my private interior world as a human being for nearly half a century…began with THIS:
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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