dragon lady

Whereupon an Old Hooker Of A Certain Age SHAMELESSLY and with GREAT DELIGHT commits one of the most radical acts a woman can commit in our culture:

I POST A PICTURE OF MY FAT SELF IN MY BATHING SUIT ON FACEBOOK FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE…and then THROW BACK MY FLORIDA EVANS NECK AND BELLY LAUGH LIKE A JACKAL.

……………………………………………………………..

Think back to high school.

Think back to your absolute MORTIFYING, HUMILIATING TERROR at the prospect of putting on a bathing suit and walking out into a backyard filled with your classmates, all the most beautiful people in your small world. You are 15 years old, always on the outside, from one of the most notorious, felonious families in town, invited by mistake to their cool kids BBQ and pool party.

Now, flash forward to the exact same scenario several decades and several lifetimes later.

Only this time…IMAGINE THAT NOT A SINGLE FUCK WILL BE GIVEN THAT DAY.

And imagine the absolute liberation that you would feel, wearing that bathing suit and that DGAF attitude as you sashay out into the backyard, with nary a towel or coverup to offer you refuge.

HERE I AM, MOTHERFUCKERS.

And imagine, all the things that you no longer need to drag along on your journey — worthless fear, insecurity, and shame — all stripped away like scales off an old dragon, revealing the beauty of the PERFECT IMPERFECTION that lay beneath them…the perfect imperfection that they safely hid and protected for so many years, every scratch in your patina now a badge of goddamned honor.

Now, imagine having the time of your fucking life.

I’m not afraid of anything anymore.

 muffy_the_dragon_2013
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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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