Here I am, politically canoodling with my old pal, former California State Assemblyman, Mike Briggs…at what I do believe was his election night victory party, 1998.

Yeah, don’t let those boyish, clean-cut, prep-school looks fool you: I don’t give a shit WHAT he says or HOW he votes — ol’ Briggsie is a actually a VERY cool Democrat hiding in GOP wolf’s clothing and I told him so from the very¬†beginning. We first met when Fresno Lampoon — a CRAZY BALLSY monthly satire zine I was writing and publishing with a friend — went INSANELY VIRAL with both those in charge and those in-the-know. In its pixilated monthly pages, I ruthlessly, shamelessly, publicly called him and all his fellow city councilmen out on their horseshit political maneuverings — including most presciently calling out their fearless leader, Mayor Jimmy Patterson, on not paying his power bill, Blockbuster late return fees, or downtown parking tickets in a timely fashion — HEY! JUST LIKE PLAIN ‘OL FRESNO TRASH LIKE ME! — only I somehow did it SEVERAL MONTHS BEFORE THE ACTUAL STORY BROKE IN THE BIG FANCY FRESNO BEE. And I hadn’t even known anything about ANYTHING when I wrote it! I JUST PULLED IT OUTTA MY TENDER ASS! HA! Lucy certainly had some ‘splainin’ to do after THAT, I assure you.

Because nobody before us had had the ovaries to do anything even REMOTELY like it in our fair hamlet, we got letters all the time saying that there is NO WAY a woman could write like I did, and that I just HAD to be a man frontin’ as a broad and just WHO the fuck was I. This, of course, made me smirk with delight NO END.

Our fearless, intrepid, little zine came shooting straight outta nowhere and caused a BONAFIDE sensation that sent shockwaves throughout the city — but instead of kicking our fatasses, or even suing us for slander, we got invited to lunch at city hall, ride parade floats, and even have our own radio talk show with the freedom to say or do whatever we wanted (which, as told here for the very first time EVER) we politely declined, seeing that the offer came from one of the most rabid, right-wing, Rush-lovin’ stations in the state. WTF?

Anyway. Me and Briggsie. He is SUCH a mensch.

Dirty Politics and Dirty Whores. Just like peas and carrots.


About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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