On your own blog or Facebook page, list five things that you are NOT:
1) I am not down for the neglect, abuse, torment, suffering, or destruction of ANY living, breathing, sentient being. Dogs are my gods. Pearlie Mae is who I worship. THINK I DON’T?
2) I am not ashamed to admit that kindness and beauty make me mighty verklempt. Just ask ANYONE who knows me. I BELLY CRY on a dime.
3) I am not someone whom you should treat service workers poorly in front of in an attempt to impress me. I will reach over the vegan nachos and kill you with my bare fucking working class hands. Trust me, I wake up with chunks of rude, arrogant, classist, classless pricks like you in my stool every morning.
4) I am not ashamed of anything, and, aside from harm coming to those that I love, I am not afraid of anything. Of ANYTHING.
5) I am not thin, willowy, statuesque, or gazelle-like, nor will I ever be. Nor do I give a shit. Now hand me a fistful of that Del Taco, bitches.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
This entry was posted in categories can suck my dick
. Bookmark the permalink