When that vicious bitch, Miss Jackie Beat, and I finally get around to having an actual Gusband/Slusband (Gay Husband/Straight Lady Husband) promise ceremony in the presence of Maude and all our beloved friends, family, and Framily — QUITE LITERALLY in the presence of Maude, as both Bea Arthur and Ruth Gordon are actual HOLY DEITIES to whom we pray — we have decided that we are either going to show up for the ceremony DRESSED AS EACH OTHER (CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE?)…or Minnie and Roman Castevet from “Rosemary’s Baby.”
If we decide on the latter, at the reception we will be serving tough, two-inch thick sirloin steaks, dry coffee cake with canned cherries on top, chocolate mouse with a chalky undertaste, overfilled Vodka Blushes, and plain ordinary Lipton’s tea. You drink it.
With a sartorial threat and gustatory promise as BRILLIANT as all that, it will undoubtedly be THE SOCIAL EVENT OF THE SEASON.