When that vicious bitch, Miss Jackie Beat, and I finally get around to having an actual Gusband/Slusband (Gay Husband/Straight Lady Husband) promise ceremony in the presence of Maude and all our beloved friends, family, and Framily — QUITE LITERALLY in the presence of Maude, as both Bea Arthur and Ruth Gordon are actual HOLY DEITIES to whom we pray — we have decided that we are either going to show up for the ceremony DRESSED AS EACH OTHER (CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE?)…or Minnie and Roman Castevet from “Rosemary’s Baby.”
If we decide on the latter, at the reception we will be serving tough, two-inch thick sirloin steaks, dry coffee cake with canned cherries on top, chocolate mouse with a chalky undertaste, overfilled Vodka Blushes, and plain ordinary Lipton’s tea. You drink it.
With a sartorial threat and gustatory promise as BRILLIANT as all that, it will undoubtedly be THE SOCIAL EVENT OF THE SEASON.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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Reblogged this on wardent and commented:
i am loving on this post by ms muffy bolding!