In ALL of my half century on this everlovin’ planet…in ALL the delicious Chinese food meals my fatass has consumed — and trust me, that’s A LOT — I have never once gotten two fortune cookies in one bag. My first thought was, “HURRAY! FATTIE LIKES FLAVOR!” And my second thought was, “HOLY SHIT. The auspicious nature of these rare twin fortunes just ramped up in droves.”
I opened the first one…and it actually said, “Eat all the chocolate you want. You only live once.” (The ancient Chinese CLEARLY saw my tubby self coming on that one.) I threw my Florida Evans Neck back and belly laughed out loud.
I held my breath and opened the other. This is what it said.
I then proceeded to wolf ALL THEM TASTY MUTHAFUCKAS…and get back to the bidness of writing my book.