People seem to be infinitely curious about this mysterious writing partner with whom I spin my words and spend my days, as I am frequently asked who he is and what he is like. This always makes me smile to my wicked, wicked core, because he is, without question, one of my most favorite people in the world.
I smile and then tell them that his name is Doug Prochilo and that, first and foremost, he is a loving and devoted husband, father, and friend…as well as one SERIOUSLY fine writer.
I also tell them that he is kind, decent, dogged, diabolical, degenerate, brilliant, hilarious, indomitable, irreplaceable, unforgettable. He is not only my writing partner, but he is also my health advisor, my therapist, my endless entertainment, The Other Half of My Brain, my partner in crime, and one of the very best friends I have ever had. EVER. He is more my brother THAN MY OWN FUCKING BROTHERS, and, were it within my power and grasp, there is NOTHING that I would not do for him or his little family.
In terms of intellect and humor, NO ONE gets IT or ME like HE DOES. When we are writing, side-by-side, we are like some irreverent, deranged, disgraceful, hermaphroditic machine — throwing out the exact same jokes at the exact same time, sinfully smithing and riffing, finishing each other’s twisted, riotous thoughts, again and again and again. Sitting together on a couch or in a coffee shop, we have created entire worlds and belly laughed harder than I have ever belly laughed in my entire fucking life. Whenever the notion of writing with anybody else comes up, I always tell him, “Knitter PLEASE. YOU HAVE RUINED ME, Douglas. NO ONE ELSE would ever do.”
He is one of the five most important people in my world — and, in fact, aside from Gregory, he probably knows more about me, my past, my present, and who I REALLY and TRULY am and what I REALLY and TRULY want…than ANY other human in the universe. I trust him with my truth…I trust him with my life. And, most important of all, he puts up with this trashy old trollop from Fresno. He is my treasured friend.
The following realization hit me just yesterday, completely willy-nilly. For those who don’t yet have the pleasure or good fortune of knowing Doug in the material world, the very best way for me to fully convey to you who he is…is this. EXACTLY. DEAD ON. IN EVERY WAY BUT ONE:
Doug Prochilo…is a FULL-SIZE Tyrion Lannister.
Wily. Wise. Fearless. Charming. Heartfelt. Genius. Ingenious. Incorrigible. Improbable. Teflon. Everlasting.
I really am The Luckiest Slut.