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Listening to my favorite, plaintive Charlie Brown Christmas music over the delightful sounds of three savage puppies cavorting on the floor and going through all of my cosmetics. Here they are. ALL OF MY COSMETICS. Oddly enough, it’s actually twice as much as I thought I had — but I was scrabbling through the medicine cabinet earlier in search of Vagisil (DON’T FUCKING ASK) and found this old tube of “Jackie Kennedy Summertime In The Hamptons Smoking A Fucking Salem in Oversized Black Sunglasses And A Wild Lily Pulitzer Shift, 1971, Tangerine Orange” to keep the single tube of my signature “Russian Red” company in its lonely solitude. Like I have said before, I am a COMPLETE failure as a girl, and other than my usual KGB COLDWAR CRIMSON lips, I LOATHE make-up and ONLY ever wear it when I am PAID to wear it. But, that’s okay. The time I save not slathering colored unguents on my sullied mug, I DEVOTE TO THE REVOLUTION!

#girlfail
#GRRRLWIN
#lazyoldtrolloptrynajustify

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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