Yes, yes, yes, I know that ancestry.com and the like have already collected, deciphered, configured, and provided the genetic and ethnic ancestry on verily MILLIONS of people all over the world who seek to know from whence they came. But, believe me when I tell you, Mein Poppets…they have NOT YET encountered a sketchy, godless, muddled, fuckmachine heritage like mine. As I have said before, I come from a long line of people who like to fuck.
Of different people.
Myself and my kin are a GODDAMNED DISGRACE — but, boy howdy, we sure know how to party and we SURE CAN FUCK. In fact, aside from burglary, larceny, fraudulence, and drugs, it’s pretty much ALL we CAN do. Hey, man…we’re from Fresno. FUCK OFF.
At any rate, rest assured that when ancestry.comreceives my sparkly spittle in the post in a couple of days and feeds it into their machine, that sonofabitch is gonna be smokin’, stutterin’, sputterin’, and SPARKIN’ WHITE HOT tryin’ to break that shit down for a motherfucker. I predict that sucker’ll be a goner LOOOOOOONG before it even gets to the delightful Pacific-Islander “Comfort Women” portion of the program. I pity the fool.
All I can say is…WAIT’LL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME.