Miss Bristol Palin — eldest daughter of ex-vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, Conservative Christian Republican, former national spokeswoman for sexual abstinence outside the sanctity of marriage, lovely young woman, and fierce teenage mother — recently announced that she is unexpectedly pregnant from an unnamed Baby Daddy yet again. All I can say to the publicly penitent Miss Bristol is this:
Listen to me, Little Sister…you don’t gotta apologize to ANY MOTHERFUCKER for ANY MOTHERFUCKING THING.
It is what it is, you are what you are, and your life is delightfully your own. Own it. ALL OF IT — and FUCK ANYONE who attempts to judge, control, condemn, or subdue you. Delete shame and contrition from your playbook — both are WORTHLESS EMOTIONS. Grab your beautiful son, Tripp’s, little hand, take your prenatal vitamins, hold your head high…and PLAY ON…by your OWN rules.
Oh, and WELCOME TO THE CLUB, Sugar — you are now officially one of us:
A PROUD, PASSIONATE, BONAFIDE, CARD-CARRYING JEZEBEL.
And, remember…unlike your mother and her hypocritical, hairsprayed ilk: