Miss Bristol Palin — eldest daughter of ex-vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, Conservative Christian Republican, former national spokeswoman for sexual abstinence outside the sanctity of marriage, lovely young woman, and fierce teenage mother — recently announced that she is unexpectedly pregnant from an unnamed Baby Daddy yet again. All I can say to the publicly penitent Miss Bristol is this:
Listen to me, Little Sister…you don’t gotta apologize to ANY MOTHERFUCKER for ANY MOTHERFUCKING THING.
It is what it is, you are what you are, and your life is delightfully your own. Own it. ALL OF IT — and FUCK ANYONE who attempts to judge, control, condemn, or subdue you. Delete shame and contrition from your playbook — both are WORTHLESS EMOTIONS. Grab your beautiful son, Tripp’s, little hand, take your prenatal vitamins, hold your head high…and PLAY ON…by your OWN rules.
Oh, and WELCOME TO THE CLUB, Sugar — you are now officially one of us:
A PROUD, PASSIONATE, BONAFIDE, CARD-CARRYING JEZEBEL.
And, remember…unlike your mother and her hypocritical, hairsprayed ilk:
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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