The Seven Deadly Sins; Day 1 — Pride. Seven awesome things about yourself:

1) I’m a HUGE belly laugher – and I can and do belly laugh at ANYTHING…even tragedy and horror. In fact, belly laughing is how I survive tragedy and horror.
2) I possess an absolutely inhuman ability to improvise, adapt, and overcome. I am like a ruthless, belly laughing cockroach in a black dress and red lipstick.
3) I can keep secrets like a motherfucker. LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.
4) To those who are worthy of my devotion, I AM LOYAL TO THE DEATH.
5) I am an uncanny judge of character. Give me just five minutes – and I GOTCHA.
6) If you are my friend, I can absolutely guarantee that you will never, ever, ever experience any drama with me. When it comes to relationships, I am COMPLETELY drama-free. I like it like BUTTAH.
7) I fuck on the first date.


About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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1 Response to seven

  1. George Lyons says:

    #7 made me piss MY granny pants which is fricken amazing cause I’m not wearing them. Right now. You are the Hoot Of All Hooters, Muffy. 😎

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