I just gotta say that I LOATHE how we have commodified and fetishized babies and motherhood in this culture. Just the thought of it makes my flesh crawl. It’s time to move past the $300 diaper bags with hand-embroidered bluebirds of happiness on a chocolate brown organic cotton background, and the vintage, Mid-Century, original Calder mobiles hanging above their motherloving reclaimed old forest growth Danish Modern-design blond cribs that cost twice what my parents paid for their first house.
We need to get back to the ways of my fierce Sicilian grandmothers:
Squat-drop like a BOSS, push that adorable little motherfucker outcho bagine in the middle of a vineyard, strap it to your chest, pop your nipple in its mouth, love it with all your heart…AND GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT, BITCHES.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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