Goddamn, every once in awhile it just hits me right betwixt the tits. The entire paradigm of Facebook is just SO fucking HORRIFYING on so many different levels. I ask you, Mein Poppets:

Would you EVER throw a dinner party and invite your father, your mother, your step-mother, your mother-in-law, your adored college English professor, your favorite adult film star/now beloved friend, your ex-husband’s new wife, your hairdresser, your drug dealer, your gusband, all your best friends and classmates from 4th grade in Fresno, California, the fabulous broad who directed many of the films that influenced you the very most, your favorite Hoosier zinester, a delightfully illiterate ScotchGuard-huffing GOD, the cousin you made out with when you were 14, the head of comedy at a major network, your daughter’s high school principal, the broad who waxes your snatch, your worst frenemy, your genius writing partner, the minister who baptized your infant daughter, NELLIE FUCKING OLESON, and the guy you drunkenly banged on the hood of his Pantera in 1985 as if you were Tawny Fucking Kitaen in a goddamned Whitesnake video?


And yet…there you all are.

On second thought, now that I really think about it — I wouldn’t have it ANY OTHER WAY.


About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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