Today I had a delightful memory of a few years back when I received an email from some Dangerously Imbalanced Fascist Family Members of mine back in Fresno…in which they had forwarded a photograph of Barack Obama with his feet kicked up on the desk in the Oval Office — along with some nauseating, ignorant diatribe about how he was desecrating history, how disrespectful he was, how arrogant, how trashy. All the fucking loons who were CCd on it chimed in — shooting dozens of emails back and forth about how disgusted they were that this man didn’t exist to serve the people because he, in fact, thought he was THE KING.
I threw back my head, belly laughed out loud, and then with a single Google search immediately found exactly what I was looking for — and shot it back across the ethers…accompanied by the following humble, yet meaningful comment:
“FUCK OFF, LADIES.”
There was, of course, not another word spoken. Crickets.
Ultra-Conservative Drunken MegaChurch-Goin’ Goddamned Crickets.
With spray tans, toe rings, gold cross necklaces, spiky frosted ombre “Mom Hair” bouffants, and bottomless glasses of Pinot Grigio.
Hail to the Motherfuckin’ Chief.
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
This entry was posted in categories can suck my dick
. Bookmark the permalink