Everybody thinks their Mother is the most beautiful Mother in the world.
But, you see…here’s the thing:
MY MOTHER REALLY IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOTHER IN THE WORLD.
C’mon, now. Look at these photos.
Countless BEWITCHED men have EAGERLY UNFURLED THEMSELVES AT HER TINY, SQUARE, FILIPINA FREDDIE FLINTSTONE FEET…like DOTING, DEVOTED, ROLLING OCEAN FOAM hurls itself endlessly at the shore.
Yeah. Miss Sandy is a SERIOUS PIECE OF ASS.
And, yeah…I CLEARLY take after MY FATHER’S PEOPLE. Thank you for noticing.
At any rate…in The Most Pulchritudinous Mother In The Whole Wide World Contest…sorry, but MY FATASS WINS.
Happy Mother’s Day to the FIERCE, FABULOUS, TALENTED, MAGICAL, AWESOME broad who taught me to knit when I was three, as well as mop a kitchen floor THE CORRECT WAY (on your ruddy hands and knees, Bitches), cast an astrological chart, sing like Eydie Gorme, comfort a fussy baby, organize a linen closet at 3 am under EXTREME duress, wear fine perfume, and prepare Hamburger Helper for 17. That stunning, glamorous dame pushed me (and EIGHT other humans) into this world through her MAGNIFICENT FILIPINA BAGINE when she was still just a kid herself…a bagine she still douches with Scope Mouthwash. THINK SHE DOESN’T?
I love you, Mother! Thank you for bringing me to this place! Whatever magic that exists within me…MOST ASSUREDLY CAME FROM YOU, Pussy.